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The Package Pt.1

April 3, 2013

“Not more bills!” Jason thought to himself, having just been laid off as he reached into his mailbox to pull out a few envelopes and a package.

“Hmmm, I wasn’t expecting a package.” He opened up this months rent bill and his cellular bill. What he wouldn’t give for a few thousand extra dollars to get him by until he found another ambulance job.

Jason walked up the three flights of stairs to his abysmal and  run-down flat. When he unlocked the door and flicked on the only light he could afford to use, he grabbed a steak knife and cut open the package.

The package itself was of the bubble wrap lined, small object envelope quality, and had been wrapped several times with tape. There was no return address.

He pulled out three photographs, a note, and a cell phone. He turned the pictures over and almost fell over in shock. Staring back at him was the eyes of three dead women, all bloody, and beaten. Shaking he picked up the note and tried to read it. The handwriting was barely legible and it took Jason, use to reading doctor’s writing, several minutes to figure it out. It read:

These three women were murdered three days ago.  We understand you are having some money problems and we can help, but you must do as you are instructed or you will be blamed for the murders. We have eyes on you and know all your habits  we have evidence that can be placed at the scene to point to you.

Now that you are completely bound to us we can move on with business. There is a delivery coming in that use must intercept and move to another location for us. Take the cell phone and call the number listed in the contacts. The guy that will answer will be able to help you. 

Before you call the number go down to the park and under the only oak tree there is a hole. It has the details of the delivery outlined for you. $50,000 is up for grabs if you can do this.



Jason was dumbfounded. So many questions were whirling around Jason felt like passing out. He needed to clear his head and figure out what he was going to do. The Police was not an answer. If he went to them he would only be blamed for the murders or worse, killed by this ‘K’ guy or girl or whatever.

Jason grabbed the new cellphone his last two hundred dollars in the egg carton in the fridge, and walked out of the house. He ran to the bus station.


The new phone buzzed. Jason pulled it out of his pocket. There was a text from a restricted number:

Don’t Run Or You Will Regret It. Regards, K.

Jason stopped dead in his tracks. He spun around looking for a follower. No one was around in the empty street.

Jason decided to start heading towards the park hoping to find an answer as to what was going on.

End of Pt. 1


This is my first creative writing story. I know it is probably rough, but I want some critiquing of my writing. I am hoping to continue this story. Any thoughts would be great.

If you want to read more let me know and hit the like button, please. Leave any critiquing  or other comments below.




From → Short Story

  1. This is a good start at creative writing. Try it without the name Jason perhaps? Otherwise, you will see it looks very repetitive after a while. Maybe using ‘he’, or ‘I’, and telling the story from the first person. The idea of someone being controlled ‘remotely’, made to do things from fear, or for reward, has been done before, but then so has everything else. Try to think of a real twist to the tale as well. Well done though Joey, so far, so good. Regards, Pete.

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